Im deaf. I have a cochlear implant but it doesnt fix me. I like being deaf instead it is just me. I made a mistake to marry a hearing man 3.5 years ago. He never took the time to learn sign language. I feel stuck in a birdie cage without a lock on it…just afraid to leave but tired of being victim at same time! I have a 2 year old son with him.
My son knows signs! I am teaching him! My other son who is just about grown up knows very well how to sign. I invested in my children and the rewards are coming to me! I hope my husband invests in me he will not regret it!
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Tell him that you would love it if he would learn, adn you would help him. Tell him that there is nothing wrong with being deaf and you would like to have a conversation with him without the struggles.
hang on. how did you guys get married if he can’t do sign language. how do you actually talk to each other. Make him learn sign language. tell him how you feel. if he loves you at all, then he’s going to respond somehow to that. this is kinda important…its like an important part of your life. and of course, i hope you son starts learning sign language about the same time or maybe a little after he learns the alphabet.
tell him you want him to learn ASL so you can communicate in the way you feel most comfortable
he should learn sign language.. it is not that difficult, or unreasonable to expect.
How were you guys planning to get around this issue from the start? Did he promise to learn sign language, and then backed out? If your marriage was not contingent on his learning how to sign, then he should do what he is capable of doing, or what he deems important. Obviously, learning sign language is either too difficult, or not a priority for him; if you’re changing the rules in the middle of the game, you kind of have to decide for yourself how far you’re willing to go in enforcing the new rules. What if he doesn’t learn it? Are you willing to adapt, or would you rather leave? You have to be honest with him and share how you feel. If him not knowing sign language has become a deal-breaker, communicate it to him. If he still doesn’t make it a priority, then at least you know where you stand – and you go from there.
My native language is different from my husband’s. Luckily, I speak English just fine – I would not rely on him learning my language for our marriage to work; he has neither the time nor the desire to learn a whole new language, and it would be unfair of me to demand it.
Is there still LOVE in the marriage? Does the man take care of his duties as husband and provider? If he does, you should take the “time” to let him know just how you feel. Also, can you “read lips?” My husband did “sign language” and “read lips.” He was very sensitive and concerned about others. This way he broadened his “outreach” to all of the people that he knew, in the neighborhood, at church and even at work. This was an advantage for him and me. I want to share some of my favorite scriptures with you. What shall we then say to these things? If GOD be for us, WHO can be against us? – Romans 8:31. The Lord daily loadeth us with BENEFITS, even the God of our salvation. Selah. – Psalm 68:19. – I wish you well. Peace, Love and God Bless.
I think if you husband loves you that he would want to learn so that he can communicate with you on a level that you are accustom to. I thin he should learn you if you teach him it will be a great bonding experience for the both of you
I have a daughter 12yrs old now that is deaf w/ the implant as well…I tried to learn sign language but it was soooo hard, I currently know some sign basically enough to communicate w/ a 2-3yr old but thats it, it was just to complicated to learn in my opinion… Maybe ur hubby has watched u do it and or ur family and knows that its just to much for him to learn.
All her teachers told me that once ur older it is far more difficult to learn then while ur young!!
By the way if u don’t mind me asking at what age were u implanted? My daughter was 2 and the reason why I ask is I have always been curious to know how sound is to her if its like sound is to me, so if u were able to hear prior to I love to know the difference!!
Wow, I congratulate you on keeping your relationship this long without having an accepted form of communication; that really is remarkable.
Your husband needs to learn sign language. Part of loving someone is being able to confide in them or be a sounding board for them. He can’t do that if neither of you can communicate.
This is pretty much hands down answer. He needs to be able to be on the same page as you.
Obviously you don’t sign with your husband, so the cochlear implant must help enough that you communicate with him and other hearing people.
This comes down to asking him to learn a new skill which is near and dear to you. This is similar to a Korean woman married to an American man asking her husband to learn Korean, which I see all the time (being stationed in Korea with the Army).
Have you actually asked him to learn ASL? If you haven’t, that needs to be your first step. Explain to him that signing is more than just talking for you, it is literally your First Language and English is your Second Language; use the Korean analogy if it works for you. Ask him, hypothetically, if you were Korean (or Spanish, or German, whatever) would he learn to speak that language for you? Then ask him to learn Sign for you. Let him know it would a great Act of Service to you if he did.
If you have asked and he just refuses, then you need to find out why he refuses. Marriage counseling can help with that, a lot! Find a hearing Marriage Counselor who signs, but any good counselor will do if that’s all you can find, and find out why he refuses (the reason might surprise you).
If you are trying to teach him yourself, that might not have worked for him (it’s hard to learn Sign as an adult). If that’s the case, see if he’s willing to take an actual ASL class.
Are you teaching your son to Sign? I hope so. You can make it a family Activity, which will help bring your husband into the fold.
I’m hearing, and so is my family, buy when we were stationed in Maryland I met many deaf and hearing impaired people and became friends. I learned Sign at work (my employer offered a basic class for people who worked with those who were deaf) and used it often when delivering pizza for Dominoes. I even went a great tour of Gallaudet University. I even use ASL to Sign with deaf Koreans, since KSL is almost the same as ASL.
We taught my daughter Sign from the day she was born and she was communicating her needs to us from about three months on.
So definitely teach your son to Sign, and see if that helps get your husband to learn too. Don’t think of marrying a hearing man as a mistake, but remember you are in a cross-cultural marriage so some things will take more understanding and more work.
Be forgiving and always be flexible. Good Luck!
nothing wrong with being deaf, when i was a boy i had a girlfreind who was deaf and i went to my grandmother and she gave me a dictionary that had pictures of sign. i taught myself in a very short time and i still can do sign, i cared for my girlfreind very much but her and her family moved away, but never in my heart. yes he should learn sign and it is not that hard to do,in fact i bet he already knows more than you suspect just from watching you and your son. hang in there, he will come around. dont fly away little birdie.